MONEY
Less
is the new more.
Due
to current financial constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel will be
turned off until further notice.
I’m
underpaid and worth every penny of it.
Nothing
is worth more than this day. (Goethe)
If
you fear change, leave it here. ( Sign on a restaurant tip jar)
Oh,
for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran
out of money. (Source unknown)
8
nickels=2 paradigms
I
figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
(Fran Lebowitz)
I’m
as broke as the Ten Commandments. (Terry Robb)
The
lack of money is the root of all evil. (Mark Twain)
A
rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. (W.C. Fields)
There
are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
Dealer:
“19.”
Homer:
“Hit me!”
Dealer:
“20.”
Homer:
“Hit me!”
Dealer:
“21.”
Homer:
“Hit me!”
Dealer:
“22.”
Homer:
“D’oh!”
(The
Simpsons)
So
long as there’s a jingle in your head, television isn’t free. (Jason Love)
All
I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If
your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep will be your downfall.
Someday
I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity.
That’s how rich I want to be. (Rita Rudner)
Money
buys privacy, silence. The less money you have, the noisier it is; the thinner
your walls, the closer your neighbors. The first thing you notice when you step
into the house or apartment of a rich person is how quiet it is. (Fran
Lebowitz)
If
advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they
do on advertising, then they wouldn’t have to advertise them. (Will Rogers)
I’d
like to live as a poor man with lots of money. (Pablo Picasso)
The
quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your wallet.
(Will Rogers)
Few
of us can stand prosperity. Another man’s, I mean. (Mark Twain)
I
had plastic surgery last week…I cut up my credit cards. (Henny Youngman)
I
have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
(Jackie Mason)
The
time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn’t go out and make a down
payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one the he’s got. ( Will Rogers)
I’ve
got the Midas touch…everything I touch turns into a muffler.
Nothing
incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth. (Mark Twain)
You
can fool some of the people some of the time…and that’s enough to make a decent
living. (W.C. Fields)
The
most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
Two
can live as cheaply as one…for half as long. (“Back To Broke”)
Some
people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.
Let’s
go Dutch…you pay and I’ll wear wooden shoes.
If
Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
Money
doesn’t always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier
than people with nine million dollars. (Hobart Brown)
Money’s
like manure…It doesn’t do any good unless you spread it around.
The
Income Tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. (Will Rogers)
That’s
the way it goes…first your money, then your clothes. (Irene Hennessy- my mom)
I
started out with nothing, and I’ve managed to hold on to most of it.
They
say money talks, well, mine just says “Goodbye.”
Formula
for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. (J. Paul Getty)
I
was walking down Fifth Avenue today, and I found a wallet. I was going to keep
it, rather than return it, but I thought: Well,
if I lost $150, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. (Emo Philips)
If
a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
How
come the rich people have all the money? (Red Skelton)
Despite
the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
In
order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
So
you think that money is the root of all evil? Have you ever asked what is the
root of money? (Ayn Rand)
I’ve
been rich and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.
(Sophie Tucker)
Some
people think they are worth a lot of money just because they have it. (Fannie
Hurst)
Money
often costs too much. (Ralph Waldo
Emerson)
Money
is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. (Woody Allen)
It
isn’t what a man has that constitutes wealth. No…it is to be satisfied with
what one has; that is wealth. (Mark Twain)
A
New York musician once won $75,000 playing the lottery. An on-the-street
TV reporter asked him, "What are you going to do with such a large sum of
money?" The musician replied, "I guess I'll just keep working until
it's all gone."