PARENTS

I got my sense of humor from my parents…That’s why they don’t have one anymore. (Wendy Liebman)

Our children give us the opportunity to become the parents we always wished we had. (Louise Hart)

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. (Franklin P. Adams)

Isn’t “Bonus mom” better than “Step mom?”

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows. (Erma Bombeck)

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark. (Chinese Proverb)

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. (Yogi Berra)

If there is a hell, it is modeled after junior high. (Lewis Black)

I like children. Fried. (W.C. Fields)

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. (Harry S. Truman)

A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on. Never will a time come when the most marvelous recent invention is as marvelous as a newborn baby. The finest of our precision watches, the most supercolossal of our supercargo planes don’t compare with a newborn baby in the number and ingenuity of coils and springs, in the flow and change of chemical solutions, in timing devices and interrelated parts that are irreplaceable. (Carl Sandburg)

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.” (Joan Rivers)

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. (Martin Mull)

I can take a 15 minute nap in 15 minutes. (Beth Fitchet Wood)

Somewhere on this globe every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. (Sam Levenson)

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either. (Dick Cavett)

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. (Steven Wright)

When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn’t talk for a year and a half. (Gracie Allen)

My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Just you wait.” (Judy Tenuta)

A two-year-old is like a blender without the top on. (Jerry Seinfeld)

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying. (Fran Lebowitz)