PARTNERS
“Where’s
home for you?” a stranger asks a fellow traveler on a plane. “Wherever she is,”
comes the reply, as the man points to his wife.
The
Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there
ought to be as many for love. (Margaret Atwood)
No
matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, “Hey, man, women
are crazy,” you’ve got a friend. (Chris Rock)
Shared
joy is double joy, and shared sorrow is half-sorrow. (Swedish proverb)
The
secret of a happy marriage?...Do what your wife tells you!” (Denzel Washington)
No,
I don’t understand my husband’s theory of relativity, but I know my husband and
I know he can be trusted. (Elsa Einstein)
I
think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve
experienced pain, and bought jewelry. (Rita Rudner)
I
used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you
had to be someone less to live with someone else, when, of course, you have to
be someone more. (Candice Bergen)
My wife Mary and
I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument
serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. (Jack Benny)
When
I’m dating I look at a guy and wonder, “Is this the man I want my children to
spend their weekends with?” (Rita Rudner)
It
takes two to quarrel, but only one to end it. (Spanish proverb)
Make a girl laugh and you can make her do anything. (Marilyn
Monroe)
When
you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. (Mark Twain)
Never try to pick up a woman who is wearing a Super Bowl ring.
(Garry Shandling)
Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. (Joseph Barth)
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
(Erica Jong)
You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. (Jay Leno)
Never ruin an apology with an excuse. (Benjamin Franklin)
If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time
in your life. (Cher)
The only way to have a friend is to be one. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
Love
is blind but marriage is a real eye opener.
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking
others to live as one wishes to live. (Oscar Wilde)
I’m better off not socializing. I make a better impression if I’m
not around. (Christopher Walken)
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what
they think, in a deeper voice. (Bill Cosby)
Bob read a newspaper story about an actress who’d married an
athlete known for his low IQ. He turned to his wife, Mona, and asked, “Why is
it that the biggest dolts end up with the most attractive wives?” Mona touched
his hand. “Why, thank you, dear,” she said.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. (James Thurber)
My neighbor and his wife get along well considering it’s a mixed
marriage…She’s normal. (Mike Melfi)
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in
love. (Albert
Einstein)
Why
are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men don’t like flowers.
I’ve been wearing a great scent. It’s called New Car Interior. (Rita Rudner)
The
kindest word in the world is the unkind word, unsaid. (Source unknown)
A
married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th
anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and
grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy
waved her wand and poof—the wife had
tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he
wanted. He said, “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.” So the fairy
waved her wand and poof—the husband
was 90.
The
first duty of love…is to listen. (Paul Tillich)
Young
son: "Is it true, dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad:
"That happens in every country, son."
My
boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.
(Rita Rudner)
Honesty
is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. (Courtney Cox-Monica
on "Friends")
According
to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of
men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are
too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful. (Robert De Niro)
For
one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our
tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work
is but preparation. (Rainer Maria Rilke)
A
happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. (Ruth Bell Graham)
The
whole trade in the luxuries of life is brought into existence and supported by
the requirements of women. (Leo Tolstoy)
In
the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really
a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?
(Hugh Grant)
There
are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...Neither works. (Will Rogers)
Nothing
makes us feel so strong as a call for help. (George MacDonald)
You
know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither. (Steve Martin)
Only
two groups of people fall for flattery; men and women.
A
friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.
Love
is or it ain’t. Thin love ain’t love at all. (Toni Morrison-“Beloved”)
According
to ‘Modern Bride’ magazine, the average bride spends 150 hours planning her
wedding. The average groom spends 150 hours going, “Yeah, sounds good.” (Jay
Leno)
Before
you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
I’m
not upset about my divorce. I’m only upset I’m not a widow. (Roseanne Barr)
People
change and forget to tell each other. (Lillian Hellman)
When
you’re in love, it’s the most glorius two-and-a-half minutes of your life.
(Richard Lewis)
Humor
is the shortest distance between two people. (Victor Borge)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine
against a wall.'
(Eleanor Roosevelt )
To
the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
(Heather Cortez-seen in “Mutts”)
“I Love You” in 8 languages:
English-I
Love You
Spanish-Te
Amo
French-Je
T’aime
German-Ich
Liebe Dich
Japanese-Ai
Shite Imasu
Italian-Ti
Amo
Chinese-Wo
Ai Ni
Swedish-Jag
Alskar
I
was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx)
Any
man who drives safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss
the attention it deserves. (Albert Einstein)